You see it all over social media and on tv. In order to be considered beautiful, get a man with money, live the glamorous life (cue Sheila E.), you have to be a bad chick. Seems simple enough, right? Beat your face, twerk with the best of them, dress like a model, have the perfect waist to hip ratio, eyebrows on fleek, hair on fleek, everything on fleek, attend all social events and come to SLAY without fail. This is a tiring lifestyle. I know because I lived it. My priority was to get attention and have people tell me I’m beautiful. I realize now I was looking for acceptance and love. The people I was in “relationships” with were with me because I was a trophy for them. There may have been a couple who were really feelin the kid, but I had such a cold heart then, I chewed them up and spit them out. Little did I know, I was the one hurting on the inside, but I was going to hurt you before you hurt me. Yes, the cliche is true, “Hurt people hurt people”. I also wondered why I felt like I was living a double life. I couldn’t totally be myself in these relationships, I had to abbreviate myself for the comfort of others. Nobody knew of my passions, dreams, and hobbies. I lived this way for so long I forgot how to dream. I reduced myself to the superficial me instead of living boldly and in my purpose like God desired.
BUT in January 2011, I felt God’s tug on my heart in a very real way. We were on a corporate fast for church and I had a dream one night. I was in a cave with lava on the ground and was standing on a rock. There were people behind me and we were all holding hands in a line. We had to hurry and cross the lava by hopping on other rocks because the cave was collapsing (a la Super Mario Brothers in pretty much any castle level). All of a sudden I see a hand in front of me and a voice that I KNOW was God that said “Take my hand”. I asked “What about the people behind me?” He said “Everybody can’t go with you” and I grabbed His hand and woke up. I have no idea who the people behind me were because they looked like shadows, so I assume that was my past or people in my present and future who aren’t about that Jesus life.
<praise break> Don’t you just LOVE how God will come in and snatch you up out of your foolishness?? The fact that He will still do it when you weren’t even thinking about Him and He STILL welcomes you back into His arms?? Queen, don’t be afraid of turning to God. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, you are still HIS CHILD, and don’t let anyone tell you different! </praise break>
From that point on, I have been on a REAL journey with God. Have I slipped? OF COURSE. If anyone tells you they have been perfect since they started having a relationship with God, they are a liar…real talk. So you are probably wondering soooooo what has changed?? EVERYTHING!!
The things I used to do and places I used to go don’t excite me anymore. I have found other things to do. The things I used to wear, I don’t anymore. Queen, you do not have to show all of your lady lumps to be sexy. Keep it cute. I believe God put me in place about my looks over the past few years. I prided myself on still being skinny with long hair. Now….I’ve chopped my hair off (cue India Arie) and I’m no longer a size 6 and I’m ok with that. There’s more to me than my outward appearance, and there’s more to you too Queen. God didn’t place me here to be cute. Don’t get it twisted now, I do love me a good ensemble and a slight beat every once in a while now!! But more importantly, I have skills, gifts, and a story He has blessed me with in order to turn around and be a blessing. My husband was/is instrumental in helping me realize my potential and I thank God for him because I would be stuck. God put him in my life for a reason.
Find your purpose. Actually you don’t need to find it, it’s already in you. Those dreams you have that you push to the side because they don’t fit the false image others have for you? Yea those. Tap into those and make those dreams come true. Those are the gifts and purpose God has placed in you. Yes, they will make you uncomfortable, but God will never leave you or forsake you….that’s Bible right there y’all.
Queen, go out and be the woman God wants you to be! THAT’S a REAL Bad Chick!