If it’s one thing that I have learned lately it is that you can’t run from your calling. Running from your calling is the equivalent of running away from yourself – it is impossible. If you are trying to live a Purpose Driven Life, if you are on a path to success, and you are passionate about something you will always find your way back. You can’t run from your calling.
If you’ve been reading this blog any length of time you know that I am an entrepreneur. I enjoy volunteering and mentoring and building up others. No matter what I do, where I go, or how many times I try to change my own path, I always end up doing the very things that I try to run from. Follow me. Last fall I began to go through a series of life challenges that led me to want to walk away from my business. I didn’t want to work with clients anymore, the money wasn’t coming in, and it was just a drain everyday to get up and even focus. I felt as though I was being led in another direction. I just didn’t know what direction it was so I didn’t do anything. For the past 6 months I haven’t put any effort into marketing my business or trying to find new clients. But somehow people keep calling me.
Last week my website and email account for my business shut down out of seemingly nowhere. I know why it shut down but once it did I felt no real drive to even reactivate either of them. I felt like this was God telling me to give up and walk away from it. Any other time I probably would have tried to reboot my website and open lines of communication for new clients. This time I just sat still. All the while people still found a way to reach out to me to connect and to set meetings with me. Beginning in January I committed myself to a job search because I felt like this is what I need to do to sustain myself and to become “more stable”. Everyday I have applied for at least 5 jobs. If I apply for five jobs today, I get at least four rejection letters tomorrow. This has weighed on me so heavily and taken me to a place of self doubt that I thought I left 4 years ago when I decided that I wouldn’t let the fate of my career rest in anyone else’s hands.
I can be transparent in saying that I still feel like I need to go in another direction, but I’m not quite sure what that is. I’m just letting jesus take the wheel. I know this saying it’s so cliche but it’s so true and necessary at this point in my life to just let God lead me wherever He’ll have me to go and bring the right clients to me. I’m not saying that I am abdicating any responsibility or effort but for once I feel at peace truly being at rest and not trying to make things happen in my own strength. When you try to run from who you are – from your calling, your gifts, and your purpose – it’s like running against a 40 foot wave. No matter how hard you try, you’ll get knocked down, swept up and pushed back into the flow. I’m grateful for the call that God has on my life and for the purpose that He placed within me. I look forward to seeing where this new place of rest leads me. If I can leave you with any encouragement it is Proverbs 3:5-6:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.