I know you are thinking…Afraid of the light? Don’t you mean the dark? No, I wrote it right the first time…the light. The light I am referring to is not the sunlight, or light from a light bulb, but the light within yourself. Chapter 5 of Matthew talks about The Beatitudes (also known as the Sermon on the Mount) that Jesus preached to the disciples about how to live a righteous life. Verse 14 says “you are the light of the world” and verse 16 says “let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” No matter what you have done in the past, that doesn’t define who you are. You have hopes, dreams, and goals.
I have a confession, I am afraid of MY light. I can celebrate someone else’s light all day long, but mine? I didn’t think I had any light until recently. Queen, you are fabulous, and I’m not just talking about your outer appearance. You are fabulous on the inside. THAT is your light. That dream you have, that passion you have, GO FOR IT! God gave all of us gifts and purpose and we are afraid of tapping into that. I was (and still am a little bit…I’m a work in progress) afraid of MYSELF! God gave me a wonderful heart and a creative and sharp mind and I let the enemy have hold of it for far too long. It’s time I take it back! I was afraid of succeeding…not failing, but SUCCEEDING! I would see people on social media doing what I wanted to do and seemed to be flourishing and I would get discouraged. I had to realize first of all everything may not be what it seems. Second, I am looking at page 97 of their story, not the beginning. I don’t know what it took for them to get where they are. Third, their path is NOT my path. Yes, we may be interested in similar things, but God has a way of using us differently. So the same things that worked for someone else will NOT work for you.
God has a way of getting your attention. He took the aftermath of my miscarriage to transform me. I had to get to the bottom of all the years of conforming to what other people thought I should be, low self esteem, running from God, destructive behaviors, looking for love in ALL the wrong places, grief, anxiety, and depression. I had to see who I REALLY was. I’m still learning who God wants me to be and getting reacquainted with myself, well really meeting her for the first time if we are going to be real about the situation. You get used to being in the dark, that yes, at first the light hurts your eyes. You can’t see that well, but you know it’s beautiful out there and you can’t wait for your eyes to adjust to the scenery before you. That’s where I am, my eyes are adjusting, but I’ve gotten glimpses of what’s before me and from now on the only time I’m cutting the light off is to go to bed at night.