Daddy Issues

Daddy IssuesI’m here to be transparent. I have suffered with daddy issues. My father and I have not had the best relationship throughout my entire life. I can only remember a few great times with him where I didn’t feel insecure or unsure. And this has played heavily into the way I have related to men. Over the past few years I have made strides to heal past hurts and fears. It is a process. But God’s grace is so sufficient.

I have male friends who have children that they don’t really interact with or have a relationship with. I try to hold them accountable because I know how I suffered as a child wondering if my dad loved me and why he didn’t really make a strong effort to be consistent in my life. I never want another child to have to question their importance or wonder if they are significant enough to be loved. It hurts me to see how they and/or their childrens’ mothers perpetuate this painful cycle because they are too selfish to realize it is only hurting the child. Then there are those who have tried to negotiate with the other biological parent and its worse than trying to reason with a terrorist.  

My story is no different than most. My parents were married for three years when I was born. They remained married until I was three years old. Abuse caused the demise of my parents’ marriage. My earliest memories of my dad are that he was mean and forceful. I remember being frightened at the sound of his voice. As a kid I remember being afraid to ask him for things, not wanting to visit him out of fear, not being invited to vacations and family functions and feeling like I was always second to his new family. Although as an adult I have had numerous come to Jesus moments with him, I still don’t have an explanation as to why he wasn’t really there. I learned to grow numb to it and after a while it didn’t matter to me. It was my norm.

I didn’t know as an adolescent how much of a void this would leave in my heart. I didn’t know there were things in my own genetic makeup that I would have to grapple with and find answers to. I didn’t know that one day I would need a father’s reassurance and shoulder to cry on when my heart was broken and I questioned why this had to happen to me. I didn’t know every man I tried to date would have to fight to love me because I didn’t know what it was to accept being loved by a man. I didn’t know that without that standard being set I would inevitably settle for a lot less than I was worth. But as I said before, God’s grace is so sufficient.

I think of all of the things I could have turned out to be and overall I am pretty proud. I am proud of my mom for making sure I never had to worry about having anything I needed and most of the things I wanted. I am grateful to her for instilling in me a love of God and the thirst to know Him. My relationship with my heavenly Father has more than made up for the shortcomings of my biological one.

When I have unanswered questions or doubts, I am always refreshed and reassured through our private, heartfelt talks. He bolsters my foundation through His unfailing word. He never leaves me alone; He never forsakes me. There are times when He answers my thoughts before they even become prayers uttered by my lips. He listens to my heartbeat and grants me those desires. So many nights He has dried the tears left behind by those I longed to trust and gain love from. And whenever I am in need, my Father provides.

I share this testimony for other women and perhaps men who also have daddy issues. People fail us. God does not. I know it may hurt to your core and you may never have the answers you seek. And even the answers you receive may not be enough to quell your throbbing heart. But rest assured that God has a way to massage your heart. Your destiny is not lost on Him if you trust Him. Just because a human didn’t see your worth and acknowledge it, never lose sight of your intrinsic value. It is something no one can ever steal away from you. God spoke it into the very fiber of your being before you were even conceived. He knew your name. He knew your journey. He provided everything you needed to get you to where you are today. And your story isn’t over. If you have suffered from daddy issues too, I want to challenge you to forgive. He may be dead, alive, or you may not even know who he is. But make room in your heart for God to make up the difference for you. I guarantee you He will.

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Written by Chanelle

A predictably unpredictable, smart & witty Christ follower who loves entrepreneurship, serving and encouraging others and bursting into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

8 comments

  1. Aquilla says:

    Chanelle, thank you for being so transparent. Truly a blessing ❤

  2. Ralinda says:

    I love this! I think a lot of us have underlying daddy issues that need to be addressed! I was discussing this with my sister on how its soooo important for daughters to have their fathers not only be present but actually being a dad. Dads set the standard for the men that come in your life….Thanks for sharing Chanelle!

  3. Charita says:

    Thank you for this It’s nice to know I am not the only one who suffers from daddy issues, and that’s you are brave enough to speak about it.. i started a Daddy issue series but my thoughts are in limbo so I stumbled across your page and it inspired me to keep going so thank you and if there is anyway we can exchange stores or ways to heal.. I would like that

    • Chanelle says:

      Thanks for your comment Charita. And I am glad that you found the blog to be relatable. I wrote another article as a follow up on the topic about a month or so ago. It was titled “Healing Deep Seated Wounds”. I’m not sure what your beliefs are, but my faith has helped me heal. And forgiveness. It is not about him or what he did and did not do. It is about me breaking the cycle of pain, letting love and light in and building a foundation of peace for myself. Stay in touch and keep reading! Be well.

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