A few months ago, I wrote a blog entitled “Daddy Issues”. I expressed the hurt that I have experienced as a result of a tumultuous relationship with my dad. I poured out my frustration and laid bare my past mistakes as a result of not fully understanding my worth. I talked about the need for forgiveness and rising above that pain. Well, I have an update and I want to encourage you to work on healing deep-seated wounds like the ones I have suffered. If I can help one person, my pain won’t be in vain.
Shortly after I wrote that passage, my dad reached out to me randomly. He let me know that he was planning a trip to Dallas to visit me around Thanksgiving. I didn’t know what to make of it. To be honest, I initially thought the worst and braced myself to be disappointed again. Time passed and I forgot all about the trip. We didn’t talk much, if at all after that. Then the week before Thanksgiving he reached out to me to confirm that he was coming. Suddenly a bunch of feelings started to resurface. I prayed and took solace in the peace I received. I just kept saying, “this trip is going to be good.”
The same week that my dad reached out to me to confirm coming to visit, I had to have emergency surgery followed by another trip to the hospital where I received not so good news about my health. It has been a stressful two weeks to say the very least. But going through health challenges where you really don’t know the outcome changes your perspective on a lot of things. I knew it was imperative for me to fully forgive and not allow the dark past to deter me from a brighter present. I knew that I had to “pack light” in the words of E. Badu. I couldn’t afford to be even more stressed out or to hinder my own prayers. As I continued to pray about the situation and my health, I kept feeling more peace. So as I always say, I went where the peace led me.
I felt like the timing of the visit was God ordained. And to be honest, I can’t recall a time where I have enjoyed my dad so much – just us one on one. I needed that visit more than I can express in this blog post. I felt like a piece of my heart was melded back together. During the time we spent together, we prayed, laughed, told stories that neither one of us had heard (and if you know my dad, he always has a story to tell). He expressed his love for me and his hopes for my future. It reminded me of the blessing that Isaac passed on to Jacob in Genesis 27. It permeated my soul and let me know that I am indeed worthy. Until this point, I have always had to validate my own worth through affirming myself. Sure, my mom encourages me and speaks well of me all the time. But there is something potent in a father’s blessing. It was indescribable.
I didn’t share my health issues with him until the night before he left. I didn’t want to ruin the trip. But he has assured me ever since that he has been praying consistently and fervently for me. This alone has meant so much to me. More than he will ever know. Going from a place of feeling as though you aren’t loved or valued to knowing and truly feeling as though you are is a system shocker. But I thank God that He makes everything beautiful in His own timing. And His timing is always just right.