My blog sister Aquilla always writes about being a mommy and a wife and gives wisdom to other moms and wives. Meanwhile, I’m the single sista holding down my own corner of the world. And I appreciate her space because it helps me prepare for what I desire to have – a strong family and marriage. But I need to speak to the single ladies today. We need to be encouraged and uplifted too. We need validation in our singleness as well. So here’s a few words for the single sista who may be discouraged.
I have noticed that women gain a sense of “self” from being mothers and wives. That becomes their identity. And women who are not in that state try to find things to hinge themselves on to feel worthy. I am in a group of 40 single ladies on Facebook. It is quite empowering to be in community with ladies who are my age who have either never married as I haven’t, or women who are finding themselves newly single after going through divorce or death of a spouse. One common thread that I find in all of our experiences is that we want to be in a relationship, but we’re all fearful for one reason or another.
The past has taught us not to be so trusting. It has shown us that even when we give of ourselves wholly and completely, there’s no guarantee that love will be reciprocated. We desperately try to hide our insecurities while simultaneously and unknowingly wearing them on our sleeves. But even in this, the Bible tells us that being single is a gift and should be chosen. How!? Why!? Like, seriously… somebody help me understand! LOL.
So much in our society is structured around couples. It’s often just assumed that adults will have a partner and that there’s something rather odd about them if they don’t for any period of time. I won’t lie, singleness does have its perks. And I am not talking about physical gratification because that is one area that I believe has been perverted in our sex-crazed culture.
I thoroughly enjoy the fact that as a single sista with no kids I can do whatever the heck I want to do (within reason) and it doesn’t even matter. If I decide today to walk up to the ticket counter at the airport and book a trip to a random city and stay there over the weekend, I can. Who cares? Nobody! If I want to splurge and buy myself this puffer fur coat I’ve been eyeballing, I can. When I feel like going to a concert, out to eat, to the movies, a sports outing, play or simply sit in the park by myself, I do. Often! AND I leave my phone at home or in the car when I don’t want to be bothered. My friends who are married and/or have kids wish they had the luxury to do so at times. Not that they’d trade their husbands and families to be single again, but I know they desperately crave “me time” as much as I crave being embraced and cuddling with someone to watch a good movie (or other things).
I say all of this to say, ladies, don’t be in such a rush to join up with someone that you miss the joy in singleness. It might be hard to see on wintry days like today. But trust me when I say that even though I want to be married, sometimes I’m frightened at the thought of someone encroaching on my autonomy. Like, seriously!? I will have to be accountable to some dude one day, cook and clean after him, tell him where I’m going and what I’m spending money on!? Sheesh… that sounds like a job to me.
Now that I’ve got in this groove of talking about singleness, I have a few more thoughts on it. Stay with me over the next few weeks as I share.