Nagging came natural to me. Nagging about money, kids, chores and just about anything. I had to give my opinion and I had to have something to say. The house needed cleaning, the car needed fixing, the roof needed repairing, clothes needed to be folded and well I thought that nagging made things happen. I didn’t understand the negative impact of nagging until my husband and I went to marriage counseling. The words my husband used to explain the way he felt when I nagged, is what led to a much needed change.
“A complaining wife is like water that never stops dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold oil in your hand.” Prov 27:15-16
Discouragement, frustration, disappointment and irritation was just a few words he used when explaining his feelings. You see, if something needed to get done and I asked my husband to do it and if I wasn’t done when I thought it should be I asked again and again and again. Each time with more irritation. I just couldn’t understand why moves weren’t being made and why things had to take so long to get done? I was frustrated, irritated and disappointed too. However, after learning about the negative impacts on my husband and marriage. I knew that I needed to make some changes. To know that I made my husband feel so negative crushed me because that was never my intentions. I didn’t want him distant nor did I mean to discourage him. I just thought nagging would get things done. Yet, I became to learn that although nagging may have “made” things get done. Things were getting done out of irritation, discouragement and annoyance…basically just to shut me up. I didn’t want that. I began to learn what God said about nagging. So that I could change.
“It is better to live in a small corner of the roof than to share the house with a woman who is always arguing.” Prov 25:24
The bible says that it is better to live on the corner of the roof rather than share a house with a nagging wife. That means that it’s better NOT to be around a nagging woman. It also describes a nagging woman like some dripping water that won’t stop or trying to hold oil in your hand. Have you ever tried to hold oil in your hand? When I oil my hair, I often pour the oil in my hands first. Trying to keep it in my hands is a struggle and its annoying because it continues to leak out my hands and spill over. Dictionary.com describes nagging as fault finding or to complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner also to cause pain, discomfort, distress, depression, etc. Those definitions and explanations were eye opening to me. I didn’t want to be her. I didn’t want to be a cause of distress or discomfort. I didn’t mean to cause anyone pain from nagging. I decided that I didn’t want to be that woman. And so I’ve learned to deal with situations differently.
Ladies After Wisdom, nagging has no place in a marriage, family or friendship. Through my own experiences, by being nagged by others, I’ve felt the discouragement, annoyance and each time it pushes me away (and continues to do so if nagged). It’s almost as if the nagger doesn’t trust me to do what needs to get done or I’m being treated as a child. Its not a good feeling. Why would I want to make someone else feel that way? I don’t. It’s important that when speaking and taking action we are putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes. We ought not speak and act in ways that we wouldn’t want others to do to us (Luke 6:31). I had to let go of nagging. When the urges arise (because they do ;). I’ve learn to deal with each situation differently. Sometimes I take care of the task myself and other times I let it go. I’ve learned to rely on God’s direction, communicate more effectively and be patient.
L.A.W., if nagging is your first language, learn another. Ask God to change your approach, increase your patience and help you to focus on the things that are most important. Whoever the person(s) is that you have the desire to nag to (i.e. children, spouse, friend etc), communicate and express yourself. If you want to push people away….nag at them. If you don’t want to push others away, talk with them and to them…not at them. Yet, know that you can NOT change anyone and you can NOT make anyone do anything. No matter who we are and what position we hold, we have no right to nag someone and treat them like a child (even worse sometimes). God made them. Let God deal with them. Think about it…the same mouth we are using to praise God is the same mouth we are using to nag our love ones. No one is perfect. Learn to support, to encourage and have patience. There is always a better approach to a situation rather than nagging. Let’s build others up not tear them down. I love you. All is well ;o)
* I challenge you to ask persons that you’ve nagged, how your nagging has made them feel? Keep your mind and heart receptive. You may not like what you hear. Desire more for God to change you rather than seeking Him to change others…
Read: Proverbs 21
Affirmation: Nagging is a negative waste of energy. I chose patience, support and love.
Prayer for Nagging: Father, thank You for Your beauty and grace. Thank You showering me with love. You are wonderful and worthy to be praised. Father, lead me to be a Proverbs 31 woman. A woman that is full of confidence and faith. A woman who is strong (prov 31:25). Father, let me be a woman that my husband brags about (Prov 28:29). Bless me to hold my tongue and seek You when I desire to nag and complain. Make me too be an effective communicator expressing myself in a respectable way, regarding myself and others. Let this be done all in the glory of You.
In Jesus Name, Amen