If you have been reading this blog long enough, you know that one thing is consistent: WE SUPPORT WOMEN. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t where you want to be (Hint: none of us are) or if you think you’re perfect, pray 3x a day and fast every other Friday. All of us need a tribe of other strong sisters that we can share transparent moments with. A group who will keep us going when the world becomes overwhelmingly harsh. For this reason, I am sharing a Facebook message that a friend of mine posted about an experience she had with someone who was rather insensitive:
Yesterday I received a message from someone, who I’m sure in their mind, thought they were offering up solid words of advice. But what I got from the long message was that I should get over what happened to me because bad things happen to people and that I’m struggling to move on. Also, that I shouldn’t post my experiences (because he noticed a general theme) on social media in an effort to gain validation and likes…
I kindly thanked him for his words and advice, because I’m a nice person, but I won’t let this go without a public moment of understanding.
Posts like that are the reason so many people keep silent when they are hurting and/or suffering from abuse. To tell someone that their healing process, whatever it may be, is in an effort to gain attention is not only hurtful, it’s demeaning.
People need time to grieve. In my case, I am grieving the loss of self-worth, self-confidence, self-love. I allowed him to bury those, and everyday I fight to dig those out and put them on the pedestal that they belong on.
I’m not writing any of these posts to receive pity, in fact I shy away from attention. But I’m doing this so that other men and women who are dealing with these things can see what strength looks like after the storm has passed. The strength in getting up everyday and deciding that I love me, even when I don’t feel like it sometimes. The strength to tell people that I have weaknesses, and that I’m ok with that. The strength in realizing that I’m worthy of love.
So I lied. I don’t appreciate your advice on something you know not of. And I won’t stay silent and get over it because YOU are tired of reading about it. If I reach one person and help them see that they aren’t alone in their journey, then I consider my story a blessing.
I found this post to be not only courageous, but convicting. How many times do we read someone’s post on social media, ignore their humanity and cast painful judgments? We all suffer in one way or another. But it takes strength for someone to stand in the face of their suffering and declare openly that it will not defeat them. It takes a lot for people to come from behind the veil of guilt or shame to share with others. It is time for us to begin creating space for transparent moments. Especially for black women. Because the world is overwhelmingly vicious towards us day in and day out.
My encouragement for the day is: FIND YOUR TRIBE and LIVE YOUR TRUTH. Everyone may not understand it but cling to those who do. Transparent moments show you who is really for you in the first place.